MY GROSS LIFESTYLE
I remember my Mythology professor telling us never to use the word “lifestyle” because the only people who have lifestyles live in L.A. I suddenly realized today that it’s not completely true – I now have a lifestyle! You know how sometimes your apartment gets kind of messy, and it happens so gradually and you spend so much time there that nobody seems to notice? Then one day you look around and ask yourself “HOW did this happen?” For Whitney Houston, that day probably came when she saw pictures of her crack den bathroom published in O.K. Magazine. Nobody’s going to publish pictures of my apartment in any gossip rags, so I’m going to post one here with an accompanying explanation. You can learn a lot about somebody from just one picture. This is my living room coffee table which I made in shop class. It sits between the TV and the couch. This is its natural state as of right now (I didn’t add or pose anything in order to make it more pathetic):
Far Left: April 14 “Restaurants Special” issue of the Chicago Reader, which I have yet to read. Coffee thermos and mug. Cat (Pepino). Almost empty bottle of Rene Junot table wine, the best cheap wine you can buy. Kelly’s weed box (the only thing in this picture which is not my fault, in other words). Purple Easter bag and partially eaten chocolate rabbit. Assorted dirty dishes (all from breakfast today, so not that bad). Nailpolish, hair scarves (couldn’t make the trip to my bedroom apparently). Solaris by Stanislaw Lem (I keep trying to read it, but end up watching Battlestar Galactica instead). One of my school binders. An explosion of Star Magazines (I’m working on my celebrity acupuncture journal). A to-do list for today which reads 1. Jobs (meaning, apply for jobs I don’t want) 2. Jerry Springer (call for tickets) 3. Dresser bedroom (meaning clean the goddamn bedroom so I can move out the dresser which is currently falling apart). Guess how many things on my to-do list I’ve actually done today? Remote controls for TV/DVD. Bottles of hot sauce. Weights (for those inspired moments).
OK – just wanted to post this snapshot in time. I’m going to clean now. Ciao.
Far Left: April 14 “Restaurants Special” issue of the Chicago Reader, which I have yet to read. Coffee thermos and mug. Cat (Pepino). Almost empty bottle of Rene Junot table wine, the best cheap wine you can buy. Kelly’s weed box (the only thing in this picture which is not my fault, in other words). Purple Easter bag and partially eaten chocolate rabbit. Assorted dirty dishes (all from breakfast today, so not that bad). Nailpolish, hair scarves (couldn’t make the trip to my bedroom apparently). Solaris by Stanislaw Lem (I keep trying to read it, but end up watching Battlestar Galactica instead). One of my school binders. An explosion of Star Magazines (I’m working on my celebrity acupuncture journal). A to-do list for today which reads 1. Jobs (meaning, apply for jobs I don’t want) 2. Jerry Springer (call for tickets) 3. Dresser bedroom (meaning clean the goddamn bedroom so I can move out the dresser which is currently falling apart). Guess how many things on my to-do list I’ve actually done today? Remote controls for TV/DVD. Bottles of hot sauce. Weights (for those inspired moments).
OK – just wanted to post this snapshot in time. I’m going to clean now. Ciao.
posted by ginsoakedgirl at 2:37 PM
2 Comments:
Those weights look pretty heavy though! Move ahead one space!
I can relate to your "explosion of Star magazines" except mine is the cheapie version, i.e. In Touch.
Holy Crap, that was awesome. Since I don't have a coffee table, that pretty much looks like the contents of my papasan chair. Man, if I was unemployed, my place would look a lot worse than that.
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