DAY FIVE – TIME TO LEAVE

Boo hoo. The only film we saw today was Love and Other Disasters. It’s a British gay-themed film starring Brittany Murphy. Sounds hideous, right? I was more than skeptical because I loathe Brittany Murphy. As far as Murphys go, she’s pretty much the opposite of Cillian Murphy. She blows chunks. This movie, however, was totally charming, clever, and hilarious. I would recommend it to anyone looking for a fun, light movie. It was the perfect end to the festival – I’d seen enough nightmarish and heavy films to last me awhile.

More celeb sightings, up through the last day:
Christian Bale, Jeremy Davies, Werner Herzog, Adrian Grenier (who cares, right? He’s much cuter in real life though), Zach Braff. Steve also saw Christina Ricci, James McAvoy, Cara Seymour, and Peter Dinklage. I might be missing some. I found out Gael Garcia Bernal wasn’t even there, so I’m glad I didn’t go out of my way to see Babel. I talked to some women on the bus who said that it wasn’t a good movie and was too superficial, and Gael’s part was really tiny. They also said Brad Pitt was there, and waved at the crowd in a really condescending way. Dude is full of himself.

Standout performances: Cillian Murphy in the Barley movie, Christian Bale in Rescue Dawn, both Heath Ledger and Abbie Cornish in Candy, and the little girl in The Fall.
Cillian also gets an extra prize for being one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen.

TORONTO – DAY FOUR

Sunday. I was seriously exhausted by this point.
Film one – Palimpsest. A Polish psycho-thriller full of interesting ideas, but I didn’t care for it that much. It was really dark and murky, and kind of exists in an altered reality, and it’s terribly difficult to watch things like that at 9 in the morning while swilling the first cup of coffee of the day. Steve liked the movie quite a bit though. The director was there and he helped clear up some of the lingering questions after the film.

Film two – Chronicle of an Escape. An Argentinean film about men who are captured by some right-wing paramilitary group (or maybe even the government? It was unclear to me) and held in a house to be tortured for months. As you can tell from the title, they do pull off an escape. But I officially call a moratorium on films about political prisoners who are tortured and have to escape. Two within two days is enough!



Film three – Paris Je T’aime. This was a collection of short films, each set within a different neighborhood of Paris. A few standouts were by Tom Tykwer, Alexander Payne, and the Coen Brothers. The whole film was really excellent, the only weak short being one directed by Christopher Doyle (dude can do the cinematography, but his short only succeeded in emphasizing the fact that he’s a lecherous old dude obsessed with rail-thin Asian women). Alexander Payne was there for the Q&A, and kept making eye contact with me. That may be because I was staring at him while beaming the entire time. He is super hot. Plus, he kind of made a bit of a fuggery mistake – the shape of his penis was clearly visible through his khaki pants, which weren’t even that tight. Steve swears that he did it on purpose because a guy would never accidentally wear pants which made his penis visible. I guess I believe Steve. But Alexander Payne is really charming and hot, regardless of whether he’s an exhibitionist.

After the third film, we went out to an excellent Italian restaurant. The waiter seemed to love both of us (we probably gave him a lot more of our time than the typical guests they get there – it was right by The Four Seasons). He gave us free drinks and we promised to come back to the restaurant next year, but only if he would wait on us. Then we hit a gay bar, and went to a convenience store in order to buy junk food that’s not available in the U.S. The only thing that I bought was a variety of Kit Kat flavors: Dark chocolate, double chocolate, cinnamon, and peanut butter. We are seriously deprived of Kit Kat flavors in the States! Anyway I managed to get pretty wasted that night (at least by the time we got back to the hotel room). It was really fun.

TORONTO - DAY THREE

I was sitting in the row in front of the person who took this picture. So close.

FYI – Celeb Sightings so far:
Maya: Cillian Murphy, Michael Moore, Guy Maddin, Sacha Baron Cohen (dressed as Borat), Heath Ledger.
Steven: Robert Duvall

So, on Saturday Steve offered me $20 to wake up at 5:30 and get in the daily line for movie tickets. By the way, 5:30 in Toronto is 4:30 in Chicago. Yes, I did it, and it was fun. I got there at 6:20, and was 14th in line. The box office opened at 7:00 and by 7:03 I had gotten the tickets I wanted (for Volver). One of the films I had a ticket for, Diggers, was completely sold out. That made me happy.

Film one – Volver. One of Almodovar’s great lighter films. Even though it’s a comedy it has some dark elements. The acting is great all around (including Penelope Cruz, who I usually can’t stand). For a supposed lower-class person, her makeup and clothing were way too glamorous. I really stand by my belief that Almodovar is one of the great humanist directors of our time, and I love the way that he is somehow privy to the connections that women can make with one another. I was still pissed that nobody from the film showed up for a Q&A, even though they were on the red carpet the previous night.

Film two – The Fall. The second feature by Tarsem (aka Tarsem Singh – director of The Cell). A visually stunning and really creative film. I wasn’t convinced for the first ½ hour, but then I sank into the movie and really, really enjoyed it. He takes the typical Hollywood epic genre and turns it on its head. The happy ending at the end is totally deserved, but still isn’t completely happy. It’s both uplifting and painful at the same time. The lead actress is a chubby six-year-old who was delightfully childish. None of the Dakota Fanning school of acting here! Her dialog was so close to what children actually say, I almost think she wrote her lines herself. The plot and visual effects were a perfect mix of children’s fairy tales and adult drug hallucinations. The end of the film is a joyous celebration of film and stunt actors, and I got teary-eyed. Anyway, the whole cast was there (it was the world premiere) – the lead actor is unknown and was great. In real life – GOOD GOD. The dude was a 6’3” hunk of blonde gorgeous studliness. Holy shit. Usually actors look better in person than onscreen (Cillian Murphy) or the same as onscreen (Christian Bale) – but this dude looks SO much better than his photos or than in his films, it’s not even describable. Watch this movie!

Film three – Diggers. Paul Rudd wasn’t there – dammit! It was the world premiere of the this movie, by the way. This is another movie that everyone should see. It’s a dark comedy, but still one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in ages. It’s about a community of clamdiggers in the 70s. Paul Rudd takes off his pants and also shows his ass. Oh, and he also shows an awesome acting range. Lauren Ambrose is in it, and I’m afraid to say that she seems so much like Claire (from 6 Feet Under) that I really think she IS that person – in other words, the stuck-up, pretentious, artsy, sarcastic girl.

Film four – Rescue Dawn. I SAW CHRISTIAN BALE. Not only did I see him, but this was the world premiere of the film, and he was sitting directly 5 rows behind me the whole time, along with Werner Herzog (the director) and Jeremy Davies (the co-star). I heard he was sitting close by me, and the girl behind me was saying, “See Herzog? A little to your left, move over, do you see him?” I finally caught a glimpse, and he was signing something for someone, and I lost my breath. Oh my god, he’s beautiful in real life. In the movie he’s an emaciated wreck (AGAIN) – but in real life he gained the weight back, his cheeks are full, even though his hair is oddly long and feathered, he’s beautiful, gorgeous, he’s FUCKING CHRISTIAN BALE.
The movie was really good. It was oddly mainstream, and superbly paced. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, and Steve kept grabbing my arm. I was gasping, and had my hand over my mouth for a good 1/3 of the film. It was intensely suspenseful and amazing. It’s still not mainstream enough to be really popular in the American marketplace, however. It was also creepily patriotic (weird for a director who isn’t even American). But Herzog isn’t really a political director – in this case, it’s one man’s struggle, and this movie nails it.
Christian Bale lost a ton of weight for this film (again). He is tied by the ankles and dragged through the mud by a water buffalo (it’s not a stunt man), and he hacks his way through leafy bushy traps, and he spends entire days submerged in dirty river water up to his neck, and he pulls giant leeches off his body, and he chews handfuls of live maggots. It’s all real, and none of it was done by body doubles. Werner loves to torture his actors, and they eat it up and beg for more. Jeremy Davies, who is a skinny mofo, lost 33 pounds for this film.
By the way, the same day that this film was screened, Werner Herzog’s mother died. In spite of that, he was sitting 5 rows behind us with Jeremy Davies and Christian Bale, watching the world premiere with us. That was such a monumental occasion - seriously! Most actors show up and go to the green room to wait for the Q&A. Alternatively, they don’t show up at all. But these guys were there, and watching the premiere with an audience. That meant so much to me, I almost want to puke. After the film, Christian was leaning against the railing, just waiting around. I put my shoes back on and we made our way over there. He wasn’t very mobbed, and he signed things for about 4 people. As we approached, I decided I would just shake his hand and say thanks (I never ask for autographs – what’s the point?) When I was 3 feet away, I started shaking uncontrollably. I started whispering to Steve, “I can’t do this, I can’t do this!” Luckily, Christian said he really had to go, and took off right before I got there. I was seriously in passing-out mode.

DAY TWO – FIVE FILM FRIDAY

Film one – Big Bang Love Juvenile A. This was a typical Takashi Miike film - completely and utterly predictable at every point. Some directors specialize in weirdness and unpredictability, but after time their weirdness becomes expected (David Lynch for example). Miike, on the other hand, has just made a film which is mind-blowing in spite of being nearly the 70th one of his career. The story is a gay murder mystery about two prisoners, and somehow they still exist as children, and every moment of time in a person’s life exists somewhere in the universe if you only look a different way, and a ray of light hitting a person can change his fate forever. It’s also about the dead haunting the living, and awesome kung-fu beatdowns, and a stunning interpretive dance done by a super-hot tattooed Asian guy. It was moving and profound without being pretentious – it was amazing.

Film two – Time. This was a Korean film which I thought would be totally depressing, but was actually a charming and hilarious character study of two fucked-up, insane people. Then the rest of the movie was dark, gory, and full of bizarre insanity. Interesting and well-done, and I really liked the lead male actor.

Film three – 2:37. An Australian film made by a first-time director at the age of 19. First of all, let me stress that my critique of this film shouldn’t deter anyone from seeing it. It was really masterful for a first film, and the actors were all very good. The subject is a suicide in a high school, and before the film even started the director came up to talk about how the film was based upon the suicide of one of his close friends, and he started going into detail about his own failed suicide attempt… uhhh…. I know that younger generations are used to pouring out their guts, but I was a little taken aback by his frankness. Anyway the film is basically a copy of Elephant. There are good aspects to it, but the camera work, sound editing, and structure were so close to Elephant that I really wondered what was going on. In the credits the director thanks Gus Van Sant, and during the Q&A he admitted that he started work on the film after seeing Elephant, and that Gus Van Sant watched his film and said he liked it ‘but it reminded him of Elephant with a more coherent plot.’ Uh, OK. So instead of a new generation of Tarantino copycats, we have a Gus Van Sant copycat? This movie doesn’t really take Van Sant’s style any further, and I hate to say that because the movie is obviously very heartfelt.

Film four – Brand Upon the Brain! – This was a world premiere of Guy Maddin’s new silent film with orchestral accompaniment, narrator, and live foley artists. I’m glad I saw it because there’s no chance this will be shown anywhere else, ever (according to the notes, one showing cost $20,000). Maybe he’ll record a soundtrack so it can be released in regular theaters – who knows. It was a pretty typical Maddin movie – reminiscent of the 20s, very funny in a quirky way, and full of dream logic plot twists. It’s basically just like an avant-garde film from the 20s, cut and edited by a schizophrenic on acid. Unfortunately I had to leave 10 minutes before the end – since the film started 40 minutes late, I would have been late for my next film. The only problem I had with the film was the fact that the live foley artists were within my line of vision, and instead of watching the screen, I was watching what they were doing at least half of the screening time.
And also, I hate to complain about a film festival that I have nothing to do with – but this was the WORLD premiere of the movie, and there were a couple hundred people waiting in the rush line. Yet, when the movie started, the seat directly in front of me and one seat to my side were empty the whole time. I know for a fact that there were people in the rush line that got turned away, but there were actually seats to accommodate them. This also happened at the world premiere of Diggers the next night. The Toronto Film Fest also seems to always seat people with rush tickets AFTER the movie starts. If volunteers at both the Wisconsin and the Chicago Film Fest can manage to get people to squish together, count empty seats, and sit people with rush tickets before the film starts, I have a hard time believing that it’s impossible for the Toronto volunteers to do the same!



Film five – Candy. Right off the bat, let me stress that everyone must watch this movie. As my friend Dan recently said, “Every heroin movie is a good movie!” He’s right. This follows in the tradition of junkie movies, but the two lead actors (Heath Ledger and Abbie Cornish) were beyond excellent. The script was perfect, it was entertaining, depressing, funny, beautiful, etc., etc. Please see this movie. I really have to say I’m a fan of Heath Ledger ever since I saw him in 10 Things I Hate About You, possibly the best high school film ever made.
Now – another major complaint. This one has nothing to do with the festival, but actually with the people at the festival. I sat down in the fourth row, and there were three single 20-something guys right next to me. One was having an argument with his girlfriend on the phone before the movie started, one of those “Baby, please, Baby, please,” arguments – while eating nachos, in a fucking crowded theater. Before the movie started, Heath Ledger was standing in the wings ready to speak, and I could tell just by looking at him that he was absolutely petrified. I gave him a huge smile (thinking I would send some positive energy his way) but honestly I don’t think it helped him at all. He got up to the mike and started stammering “I didn’t have any idea I had to speak here, I really have nothing interesting or great to say at all,” with lots of ums and uhhhs. I found it endearing that a major movie star was so nervous before a crowd like that. But the douchebags to my right started shouting things while he was talking, like “I feel a Brokeback moment coming on!” and “Casanova! Casanova!” One of them shouted “Casanova!” right while Heath was in the middle of a stammered sentence, and he stopped and said, “Sorry, what was that?” Then the guy again shouted “CASANOVA!” And Heath kind of stopped, looked around really confusedly, pointed at the blank movie screen, and said, “Ummm…. Yeah.” It was awkward and horrible – fucking Heath Ledger was announcing his movie, and clearly nervous, and some fucktards in the audience are HECKLING him. I don’t think I’ve ever been more upset during any moment of any film fest in my life. I mean, seriously, Heath was really charming and nervous and polite, and these guys were like retarded frat boy demons from fucking hell.
So then, the movie starts, and these guys are TALKING the whole time. There’s a film fest volunteer on the other side of them, and he’s not doing anything. About 15 minutes into the movie, I turned to the guy closest to me, and spat, “Could you shut up? I’m trying to watch this movie!!!” The guy responded, “I’m trying to watch it too.” Then I turned, caught his eye, and gave him my trademark icy death stare. He started babbling and saying stupid things, and turned to his friends to say something (much more quietly though). Then, five minutes later, they all got up and left. Who knows what the fuck that was about. At least they left – but I’m really embarrassed that they were heckling Heath Ledger. Seriously, what the fuck?

TORONTO FILM FESTIVAL - DAY ONE

We missed our first movie of the day (The Magic Flute) due to a combination of incorrect flight arrival time and an underestimation of time-standing-in-line for ticket pickup. Actually, if the line had been ten minutes quicker, we would have made it. Well, how many people should an international film festival have working the ticket counter for people who bought packages and need to pick them up? One is enough, right? The Toronto Film Fest seems to think so.
Anyway, I’m not complaining. I have more than enough to see. So here goes:

FILM #1 – THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY (aka “The Barley Movie)

This was a really great, complex film with top-notch acting and a superb story structure. A couple of points got in the way of my total immersion: 1. My utter and complete ignorance of Irish history 2. The accents – so thick! I probably understood about 60% of the dialog and inferred the rest. I couldn’t fill any dialog blanks in with my knowledge of Irish history, so that kind of left me in the dark. But the sheer emotionality of the actors carried me through. This deserves a second watch (on DVD, with English subtitles).
Q & A SESSION – I took out my notepad to take notes, which was mostly to help my memory, but also made me feel more important. Little did the people around me know that I am going to post these notes on a dumb-ass blog that a tiny (but important) handful of people will be reading. Ken Loach couldn’t make it because he’s currently filming something – the bastard! Cillian Murphy was there, however, and my 10th row seat afforded me a prime view of those killer cheekbones. He’s a chameleonic person who tends to look either really creepy or occasionally hot on film, depending on the camera angle and lighting. But in real life – seriously – he’s so, so pretty. I fully appreciate actors who have unusual or atypical features – especially the ones who can act their pants off. It’s so much better to have an interesting but odd face than a blandly pretty one.

Cillian made a few jokes about Ken Loach’s directing style, saying the script exists ‘but the cast is not privy to it,’ his films are undiluted by commerce which includes the exclusion of trailers and food for the crew (big laugh there), and usually uses a faraway, non-intrusive camera with a long lens which allows the actors more freedom. Someone asked a question about how he personally felt about the Irish independence issue, and he sort of dodged it by stating that the film takes place only two generations ago so everyone was careful to acknowledge the sensitivity of the project. He said he feels strongly about the issues from the level of his DNA, but couldn’t compress all his feelings into a simple anecdote.
A woman asked him about a book written by Ernie O’Malley (?), and he made a self-deprecating joke about how it was ‘very advanced reading’ so he only dipped in and out of it. She followed up by mentioning a specific historical person with the last name of Murphy. He clearly didn’t know who the hell she was talking about and finished by saying, ‘Uhhh… ehhhm… I don’t think he’s my… cousin.” It was funny. Come on, lady! You can’t drill actors on the historical facts of an era just because they made a movie taking place during that time. That’s a totally unfair, impromptu history test in front of a huge crowd. At least he got a laugh out of it.