My Week As a Bored Housewife

This week I wasn’t able to do anything constructive. I had a ton of things to do: Clean the house, finish my Chinese medical history paper, study for finals, finish the book I’m reading, watch any number of movies which are out now, catch up on my netflix queue, etc. The list goes on and on. Instead, I’m exhibiting more signs of girlishness… in fact, I’d go so far as to say I’m acting like a bored housewife. Facts to support this conclusion:

1. An increased interest in wedding hair and makeup, goaded on by Sandy
2. I impulsively bought a plane ticket/hotel package to go to the Toronto Film Festival. Put it on the credit card! Why not?
3. I got my first pedicure, and spent an hour obsessively trying not to chip it, before I finally did chip it (only slightly – you can’t notice it unless you stick your face right up to my big toe)
4. I spent a considerable amount of time on youtube.com last night, watching clips of the Ellen show. OK, they were clips of Colin Farrell, but still…

So, I can exhibit all the wasteful qualities of a wife… what does that mean? I’ve got the nightly bored drinking (while scrubbing various parts of the kitchen) down COLD. My big achievement for the day was brushing all four of the cats, what does that mean? My friend Ryan told me that since 4 is the unluckiest number in China (it’s the same word as ‘death’), we should actually have eight cats instead of four (eight is the luckiest number). That last part is irrelevant, really.

ON THE WAY TO 2,000

OK – here are the movies I’ve seen since I determined I’m only 50 movies away from cracking the 2,000 movie milestone.

#1,951 – REIGN OF FIRE: This movie involves Dragons and Christian Bale. Good potential, mostly wasted. But Christian Bale takes his shirt off, in case you’re interested in that sort of thing (and I know you are, whoever’s reading this – it’s a given that everybody in the world wants to see that guy shirtless. Unless it’s in The Machinist).

#1,952 – THE BOONDOCK SAINTS – Marc forced me to watch this movie. Um, I mean, he suggested it. But I really did like large parts of it, and although I think a lot of it was gratuitous and overdone, it merits another viewing. There are some interesting ideas in there.

#1,953 – THE DAVINCI CODE – See 25/25/25 blog.

#1,954 – X-MEN: THE LAST STAND – See 25/25/25 blog. Yay for Ian McKellen!

#1,955 – JUST A QUESTION OF LOVE – This was Ryan’s choice, a gay film from the gay foreign film section at Blockbuster (that’s how you know you live in a big city, when Blockbuster has that section). Not bad at all – most French gay films are just better than their American counterparts. Probaby because they’re French.

#1,956 – THE RINGER – Ummm… what is this movie again? Oh yeah, it’s the one where Johnny Knoxville pretends to be retarded in order to fix the Special Olympics. Many opportunities to be offensive are wasted, but then again, who wants to see a movie that takes pot-shots at mentally challenged people? Not me, really. They gave big roles to a lot of mentally challenged people, and that’s commendable. A few laughs, a little too heart-warming for my tastes, but worth watching.

#1,957 – EYEWITNESS – An early 80s films with a truly stellar cast (Sigourney Weaver, William Hurt, James Woods). William Hurt and James Woods are supposed to be janitors/maintenance men, which is absurb, considering the fact that they’re generally recognized as two of the more literate and genius-level talents working in the Hollywood system. But James Woods totally pulls it off, somehow. I didn’t buy William Hurt as a janitor though. He’s just too suave, and has those Waspy good looks… plus, the movie is completely baffling. I just watched it a couple weeks ago, and can’t really remember what it was about.

#1,958 – THE STUNT MAN – Another early 80s classic. This was a really overwhelming movie – too many themes, too many motifs, too many subplots and layers… Usually that’s my cup of tea, and it’s worth rewatching for sure. I don’t feel qualified to make a brief review of it by any means. So I won’t.

#1,959 – AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH – See 25/25/25 blog.

#1,960 – DEEP SEA 3D – See 25/25/25 blog.

#1,961 – BIRDY – How and why do I avoid classic films like this my entire life? This movie was totally brilliant (in spite of the many netflix reviews to the contrary). It was filmed in the junky backlots of Philadelphia (I think it was Philly? Don’t quote me on that). This movie really ties humans to animals better than any film I’ve ever seen. I also think it just might be the most effective anti-war film ever made. You know the old quote, about how every war film is really a pro-war film, because you can’t help but glorify the actions of soldiers when filming them – it automatically makes them seem heroic? Well, this movie only shows the gory aftermath, both physical and mental, and has some really amazing statements about animal rights (really connecting them directly to human rights). I love movies that are filmed far away from studio lots. The cinematography and mise-en-scenes alone are reason to watch this film, even ignoring all the weighty issues it brings up. This is one of the most important movies I’ve seen in recent memory. And it’s really funny too.

#1,962 – ANDREI RUBLEV – A classic by Tarkovsky. OK, this movie is about a Russian monk/painter, who apparently is quite famous to Russians and art historians, but unknown by everyone else in the universe. I have a bone to pick with Tarkovsky, which is too bad, because he’s dead. His movies are frustrating, baffling, and too long. I had to watch this film in three installments (it’s 3.5 hours long). Still, there were a handful of moments where I thought, “Wow, this image is so incredible, I can hardly believe I’m seeing it…” And then you sit through a half hour of boredom before the next amazing image comes up. I think that’s why I loved his film The Mirror so much… it was like he took out all the expository material, and plot, and time-wasting, and just filmed a bunch of disjointed, hallucinatory, timeless episodes, that somehow add up in the end to a mindblowing epiphany (if you’re me, anyway). According to the reviews, supposedly The Mirror is his least accessible film. But somehow that movie tapped directly into my mind, whereas his other films kind of float on the surface and really don’t affect me that much. I think if I were Russian I might understand his epic films more (Andrei Rublev, Solaris, etc.) – but I think The Mirror hits a nerve that’s Human more than Russian.

#1,963 – V FOR VENDETTA – See 25/25/25 blog. I stand by my original thought – which is that this movie is completely brilliant. I plan on buying the DVD and watching it numerous times. It’s great to see big-budget films that take on so many heavy issues, and do them in a pulp setting, but somehow succeed completely in making them emotionally resonant and relevant to our lives, both personal and political… it’s a good one.

#1,964 – ONE TRUE THING – Early 90s chick flick. Watched it because it’s in my William Hurt queue. Renee Zellwegger plays his daughter, and she’s less bony and stringy than she is now. Meryl Streep plays his ailing wife, and in spite of the triteness of the film, one of her speeches moved me to tears… she’s just that good, or I’m just a pussy. Anyway, William Hurt is hot, blah blah blah.

#1,965 – THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT – See 25/25/25 blog.

MY NEXT PROJECT

An Attempt to Out-Geek all the X-Files Geeks Out There




All right, I just finished watching season 9 of the X-Files. Over the past year and a half or so, I’ve purchased seasons 1-9 of the X-Files and watched them all in order for the first time ever. Yes, I watched them in order when they were on the air, of course, but I only started watching during season 3 – more specifically, the eighth episode of the season, “Oubliette.” I was instantly hooked and for the first and only time in my life, was absolutely devoted to watching every episode. At the time I was in college and didn’t even have a TV in my room. I would watch the X-Files every Sunday in a campus rec room, with anywhere from 5 to 20 people crammed in there (this room was about the size of my living room now). I never missed an episode of the X-Files under any circumstance – except for the time I was in Guatemala, and the time I was in a coma. Unavoidable circumstances, in other words.

I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, having finished all these episodes. I’m showing signs of X-Files overdose. You know what I’m talking about, it happens to everyone who watches an entire season over the span of a few days: When you hear a strange noise, you think “This is a case for Scully and Mulder.” When I think, “If only Agent Doggett were here, he could help me figure out where I parked my car,” it seems totally logical.

Anyway, I know I seriously can’t out-geek the real geeks out there. But I created some Excel spreadsheets and I’m going to keep tally while watching seasons 1 through 9 again. Some of the categories include:

Number of People Mulder Kills
Number of People Scully Kills
Number of Times in Hospital (seriously, they should be earning some major worker’s comp)
Number of Times Abducted
Number of Times Scully Sees Definitive Proof of Aliens but Still Doesn’t Believe
Number of Times Saved in the Nick of Time by Other
Illegal Break and Enters
Number of Times Mulder is Thought to Be Dead

You get the idea. Am I missing any categories? Anything else I should keep track of when I make my next pass through my favorite alternate TV universe? I briefly thought about “Number of Times Doggett Says Something in His Gravelly, Sexy Voice While Looking Damn Hot,” but that seemed too silly.

Top 100

Italic titles are in the top 10. There are 11… I can’t explain that.

Abre los ojos
Akira Kurosawa's Dreams
Alice (Woody Allen, 1990)
Altered States
Amadeus
American Psycho
Animal Crackers – had to pick a Marx Bros. movie, and this is my favorite by far
Apocalypse Now
Babe – greatest vegetarian propaganda film ever made
Badlands
Basquiat
Being There – Peter Sellers not being funny… a great film that not enough people have seen
Before Sunset
The Big Lebowski – obvious choice, dude
Blow Up
Blue Velvet
Brazil – this maybe should be in my top 10 as well
Bringing Out the Dead – brilliant cinematography, so I can include it even though I’ve only seen it once
Chungking Express
A Clockwork Orange – another obvious choice, my droogies
Close Encounters of the Third Kind – you guys must have forgotten about this one
The Company
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon – we all agree that this movie kicks butt
Cyclo
Dead Man
Dead Ringers
Donnie Darko
The Double Life of Veronique
Down with Love
Ed Wood
The Empire Strikes Back
Enter the Dragon
E.T. the Extraterrestrial
Fallen Angels
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Fellini Satyricon
Fist of Fury (Jet Li)
The 400 Blows
The Godfather
The Godfather: Part II
The Graduate
Hable con ella – Almodovar’s best
Harold and Maude
Heathers
A History of Violence
House of Flying Daggers – could have been alternately titled “Forest Sluts”
Jacob's Ladder – this movie closely parallels part of my hospital/coma experience… not many people can watch Jacob’s Ladder and be reminded of something that actually happened to them
The Jerk – still the best Steve Martin movie ever
Jules and Jim
Labyrinth
Lolita (Adrian Lyne version)
The Long Goodbye
Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Rings
The Loss of Sexual Innocence – self-indulgent art flick that I think is brilliant, and I can’t get enough of it – nobody else likes it except my sister and Roger Ebert
La mala educacion
The Man Who Fell to Earth
Marathon Man
The Mirror – one of the few movies that I would actually say shifted my entire consciousness
The Mission
Mississippi Mermaid
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life – they really do a good job of simplifying everything that you think you can’t understand in the universe
My Life as McDull – the only animation on my list
The New World – another consciousness-shifter
North by Northwest – Cary Grant runs across America! The classic action film
Oldboy
Pecker
The Piano
The Pillow Book
The Princess Bride
Psycho
Repo Man
Repulsion
Run Lola Run
Scarface
Schizopolis
sex, lies, and videotape
Shadow of a Doubt – a Hitchcock film that everyone should see
Sherlock, Jr. – I had to have a Buster Keaton movie on this list, and this is his best. It’s shockingly ahead of its time
The Shining
Shoot the Piano Player
Short Cuts
Sleeper
Solaris (Soderbergh version)
Star Wars
Tampopo
Terminal U.S.A. – funniest Asian-American movie ever made (sorry, Harold & Kumar)
Thirty-Two Short Films About Glenn Gould
Time and Tide
Trainspotting
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me
Two English Girls
2001
Vertigo
Videodrome
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
The Wicker Man (1973)
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1972)
Wings of Desire – another consciousness-shifter
X-Files: Fight the Future – OK, when you think about how excited I was for this movie, I’m totally justified in adding it to my list. And guess what? They’re working on the second X-Files movie right now
Young Frankenstein
Zentropa – Lars von Trier, before he turned into the biggest misogynistic, sadistic asshole in the world

Time for the TOP 100

OK – this is kind of a big project. When I was in Portland, I wanted to make some lists (keeping in mind that this is a favorite activity of Sandy’s, and also one that I don’t mind so much!) But we ran out of time. I wanted to make a list of our 100 favorite movies. So let’s do it, now! And if there are any films in our top 100 which our friends haven’t seen, it’s their (or our) sworn duty to see that film ASAP.



I’ve done my top 10 before – this is easy, since it changes very rarely. The only addition to my top 10 in the past 5 years has been The New World, and I honestly don’t know which film it bumped out of my top 10 since I haven’t done the list in awhile. I’ve figured out my top 25 as well, and that’s pretty easy. But when you get to 100, you have to make some serious decisions about what to cut and what to keep. So I think it’s important to give it a try!

Please, if you have the time and the energy - post your Favorite 100 Movies of All Time list – and any explanations why.

P.S. – this is not a list of the “100 Greatest Films” of all time. This is a list of the movies you love, not the ones your teachers (or Maya) told you to love.

Ciao, and Good Luck!

COUNTDOWN TO 2K

All right, according to my authoritative film database, I’ve now seen 1,950 movies (#1,950 being An Inconvenient Truth, which I highly recommend). I would have seen far more than 2,000 movies by now if I didn’t insist on seeing the same damn ones over and over and over again.

That’s besides the point, the benchmark is quickly approaching! I’m going to list all the remaining 50 movies as I see them, good and bad, and add comments as necessary. I should definitely hit #2,000 sometime before the end of July.