In praise of Colin Farrell

I think this is my favorite picture of Colin Farrell. He looks like possibly the sleaziest guy ever. But come ON, you KNOW you would still hit that! This picture is perfect: It sums up his (very strong) appeal, but also his drawbacks.

First things first: The New World. I’ve been a follower of Terrence Malick for awhile, and was extremely excited and agitated when I saw the first theatrical trailer for The New World. The trailer was beautiful, and breathtaking, and… Colin Farrell? Huh? My exact thoughts were, “Oh well, Terrence Malick knows what he’s doing, and I’m going to trust him on this one…”

When I saw The New World for the first time in the theater, I was really transported to a completely different time and place. The first shot of Colin Farrell in the movie is so perfect that all doubts I had about the casting were immediately erased. It’s not just that he has a gorgeous face and is a decent actor; there really is no other actor who could have played the part of John Smith so perfectly. Trust me, when you watch this movie, his sex tape is the last thing in your mind. The film is an immersion into a totally foreign experience. I mean The New World, not the Sex Tape. Oh, this is where the drawbacks come into play.

When I find a new actor or director that I’m interested in, I follow a typical pattern: I watch every damn thing they’re even remotely connected to. And I found out something interesting about Colin Farrell that not everybody is aware of: He’s actually a really good actor. Not all of his movies are good, but he doesn’t give a bad performance in any of them. He chooses unusual projects, and is definitely not afraid of looking bad, or gay. He’ll apparently take off his pants anytime a director asks him to (ask any woman, this is not a bad trait). Yeah, he goes overboard with the drunken public celebrity persona… but you know damn well that if you ran into him on the street, he would stop and talk to you. Who cares if it’s because he’s an attention whore? He’s Colin Farrell, and he’s talking to you!

All I can say is, go back to the picture. He’s Colin Farrell, and he’s drunk, and smoking, and on a boat, and possessing great, beefy arms. Would you really pretend that you’re too good to be on that boat with him?

I Want To Go On a Date With This Man

Somebody please help me find William Hurt so I can go on a date with him. I heard he lives in Portland, Oregon (the internet wouldn’t lie about that to me!) and I’ll be there next week.

He’s one of the most brilliant American actors working today. Altered States is one of my favorite movies. I just watched Children of a Lesser God, and he was so hot in that movie, it made my eyes hurt. It’s not so much about appearance as it is about intensity. He’s clearly had a hair transplant which wasn’t entirely successful, but so what, I can see past that.

Some people might say he’s too old for me, but he’s only a tiny bit older than my last boyfriend. We’ll have plenty to talk about – I even loved his extra-hammy performance in A History of Violence! I already know what shirt I’ll wear for the date, I bought it today at Target specifically for this purpose. Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t wear something from Target on a date with a legitimate actor, but I’m unemployed and really can’t justify buying something more expensive.

In praise of Robert Patrick

An Unlikely Heartthrob





OK, he can be a little scary-looking, and tends to play unsympathetic murderers, angry fathers, and killer robots from the future. An icy-blue death stare is usually not what I look for in a man. His ears are a little bit demonic. When he was in his early 40s, his face was already super-wrinkly (is THAT what a man without plastic surgery looks like?) He has gone on record admitting that the vast majority of the movies he’s been in are total crap. But Robert Patrick is dreamy!

I’ve been watching The X-Files in order for the first time since the show was on the air. I finally made it to the eighth season, and it’s even better than I remembered. A lot of people got disgusted by the show’s 7th season and stopped watching. The easiest way for a great TV show to turn into a terrible parody of its former self is to lose one of its main characters, and the loss of a lead as charismatic and good-looking as David Duchovny should have put The X-Files in its grave once and for all. But the show’s writers created a new male character that was a stark contrast to Agent Mulder. Robert Patrick plays John Doggett, an ex-Marine and former New York City cop. He’s full of no-nonsense advice and dry one-liners. It only took about three shows of the 8th season for me to be totally won over by him.

I think the exact moment when I fell in love with him was when Scully is trapped in a bedroom by the crazy cult members, and the prophet slug is crawling up her spine and trying to get in her brain, and Doggett busts the door down and grabs Scully around the waist (all semi-conscious and sweaty) and carries her out. That’s such a softcore romance cliché, but sometimes that stuff works.

I can’t really recommend any of Robert Patrick’s films. He turns up as a character actor in small roles constantly, but is never the lead in anything good. Actually he played the lead in “The Cool Surface,” which is pretty decent in spite of being a total B-movie. He’s a good actor and has really great range, which is probably why nobody quite remembers who he is or even recognizes him half the time. I’d love to run into him on the street – he’s in solid “Hey, it’s that guy” territory and would probably be terribly impressed that I know him by name.