I HATE THE PERSON WHO STOLE MY MONEY

Some doodyhead got my debit card info and withdrew $325.00 from my bank account! Ah yes, the miracle of technology. I guess I understand how they could have gotten my card number, but how did they get my pin? That's a super-secret number that nobody knows! I feel so violated. If anyone has any information related to this crime, please post it below.

Movie Insanity, Part I

Last Sunday I watched a truly crazy movie, Zazie dans le metro (Zazie in the Metro). They’re showing a series of Louis Malle films at Facets, and seeing as he made eleventy thousand movies, there are a few I haven’t seen. I hadn’t read anything about this film and thought it would be a typical early New Wave film, all black-and-white artsy glances and minimalist shots of French people watching scenery move by the train windows. I couldn’t have been more surprised. This movie was a total trip, and frantic to the point where I was tired by the end. Most importantly, it was hilarious, and had some truly insightful and touching movements in the midst of the frenzy. It’s interesting to see something like this – in glaring contrast to the frantic film style that’s in vogue these days, it’s frenzy with substance. I think my favorite part was when the torch-juggling polar bear accidentally burned down the nightclub during the drag Flamenco rehearsal. I’m pretty sure the Circus Circus scene in Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas (with the spinning bar and man in the bear suit) is a direct homage to this scene.
So I’m wondering, is it all right to name my first daughter Zazie? Or is that too much like the dreaded Zowie Bowie phenomenon?

The Bane of My Existence

I live in Logan Square near the intersection of Milwaukee, Diversey, and Kimball. If you go to this intersection and look towards the south corner, you will see the bane of my existence: A giant billboard advertising Garfield: The Movie. This billboard has been up since March. No, not March of this year, but MARCH OF 2004. Every time I drive past this billboard I have a fit of rage. Other billboards in the area change very frequently – the one just one block north on Milwaukee avenue changes about every 2 weeks. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Chicago geography, this is not some wee little intersection with no traffic. Generally it takes five minutes just to get past the lights while driving. This is one of those intersections where 80 year olds ambling by manage to outpace your car dramatically. For whatever reason, the Powers That Be have decided that we get stuck with the same shit billboard for over a year and a half. I swear if the billboard isn’t down within another year, I’ll be forced to write an angry letter or something. I can’t even remember a time when this eyesore wasn’t a fixture in the neighborhood, I seriously started complaining about it over a year ago. And why hasn’t it been tagged yet? Sure, the building is 5 stories tall, but I’ve seen plenty of taller billboards get tagged the day after they get put up. This has got to be some sort of sick joke.

Jeremy Irons Film Festival

I recently discovered that my roommate Kelly has “kind of a thing” for Jeremy Irons. True, it’s not quite the same as what I have for him (that would be a passionate, all-consuming 18-year-long crush), but it’s enough to justify holding a Jeremy Irons Film Festival. The screenings will be at my house and the attendees will most likely be Kelly and me. She first became interested in him after seeing his utterly convincing portrayal of Humbert Humbert, so the first film on the schedule will be Lolita. If I could get Jeremy Irons to make an appearance, that would be super. If anyone knows how to get ahold of him, please let me know. I think he lives in a castle in England somewhere. More film festival updates to come.

Somebody Please Give These People Some Oscars

Here’s my pick for the best picture of the year. Anyone who knows me will know that I’m slightly biased when it comes to David Cronenberg. As for Viggo Mortensen, in spite of being close to two of his biggest cheerleaders (hi Sandy and Mom), I’ve never felt anything for him beyond admiration for his facial bone structure. That being said, I still had high hopes for the film before I saw it. I somehow knew that the meeting of Viggo and Cronenberg would be an exceptional one.


Cronenberg’s direction is brilliant as usual. I honestly don’t expect him to win an Oscar, though I wouldn’t be surprised to see him nominated. The big surprise for me was really Viggo’s performance. His eye-acting is in perfect form. I’m talking about SERIOUS eye-acting here, not just looking hot while staring into the distance (Lord of the Rings) or looking hot while sweating (Crimson Tide). In my opinion there are only a handful of actors who fall into the category of superb eye-actors (Gael Garcia Bernal and Tony Leung Chiu Wai come to mind as obvious examples). Who knows if Viggo will get a chance to put his eyes to good use again, but he proved himself more than capable. The second viewing is even better - the conflict he manages to express is startling.

And what about Maria Bello? The woman needs a veggie burger or fifteen, but I’ve read accounts that she was forced to starve herself for the role (I’m assuming that was the producers’ choice, not Cronenberg’s). She is absolutely Viggo’s match… I’m probably not as excited about her because she’s a chick. She’ll probably get nominated for an Oscar too – and certainly deserves it.

And how about some Best Supporting Actor nominations? Ashton Holmes was fantastic as Viggo’s son, but a nod would more likely go to Ed Harris or William Hurt. The entire cast was absolutely top-notch with the exception of the little girl. Let’s be honest, she sucks, but she’s basically nothing more than a prop. Do you really expect the person who brought you The Brood to accurately portray a child in any of his films?

Well, the point of this long-winded post is: Time to hand out some Oscars. If this movie gets the nominations it should, the Oscar party is at my house, and I’ll be making A History of Violence banners to wave at appropriate points during the broadcast.